Today i learned how much powerful a positive talk is and how much affect a negative word will cause after reading the below story.
One of my friend Mohan, send me this story, i don't know whose story is this, but its worth reading and has to know how our brain processes a command or words said to us.
Read and understand below story carefully friends...
I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success. One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.
My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree. I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did. fall.
My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her
nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.
This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.
My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't.. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.
Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do. Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor.. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil.. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.
The point is made.
If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.
If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite." People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.
My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.
These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.
Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have
internal voices that give us direction.
So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."
If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue.
Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.Notice when you or other people use them.
Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Ø Try: Presupposes failure.
Ø If: Presupposes that you may not.
Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener..
Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Ø Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
Ø Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.
Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"
Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You
might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more
often!"
Exercise:
Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.
Forge a positive relationship with the world around you and the world will
Become a better place for you to live.
- Ralph Marston
Jun 19, 2008
Run towards the challenges
Of course it's difficult. That's what makes it so valuable.
The time, effort and commitment you put into reaching the goal have their own rewards, over and above the achievement itself. They make you stronger, more disciplined, and more effective.
When great effort is called for, great opportunities abound. When challenges and difficulties surround you, there is much value to be created.
Instead of cursing the need for sustained and focused effort, be genuinely thankful for the chance. For you are designed and equipped to get things done, and life is superbly rewarding when you do.
When difficult work is called for, step quickly forward with enthusiasm. It is truly your moment to shine, to grow, and to create according to your best expectations.
Run toward the challenges. It is in those challenges that you will fulfill your greatest dreams.
The time, effort and commitment you put into reaching the goal have their own rewards, over and above the achievement itself. They make you stronger, more disciplined, and more effective.
When great effort is called for, great opportunities abound. When challenges and difficulties surround you, there is much value to be created.
Instead of cursing the need for sustained and focused effort, be genuinely thankful for the chance. For you are designed and equipped to get things done, and life is superbly rewarding when you do.
When difficult work is called for, step quickly forward with enthusiasm. It is truly your moment to shine, to grow, and to create according to your best expectations.
Run toward the challenges. It is in those challenges that you will fulfill your greatest dreams.
Jun 18, 2008
Ten Ways Women Can Visualize Themselves as Leaders
1. Avoid the Imposter Factor: Fear that Others Will Find Out I’m Not Really a Leader
Ask others what they think of your leadership abilities. You’ll be surprised at the positive response! You use leadership skills every day—managing your work group, getting the kids to school on time, supporting your favorite charity. Believe that you are a leader—your friends and colleagues already know you are.
2. Get Rid of the Guilt: I Don’t Deserve to Be a Leader
Why not? Leaders aren’t an alien species sent down to show us the way. They are everyday people like you and me. Think about a leader in your life—not someone famous, just someone you know that you’d follow anywhere. Do you think they thought they were a great leader? Do you think they knew that you’d be using them as an example of great leadership? Of course not.
3. Stop Looking for Leaders Who Look Like You
It’s hard to strive for leadership when there are few examples that look like you. Katharine Graham saw no other women CEOs of Fortune 500 companies on her way to becoming the first. Madam C.J. Walker saw no other African-American women millionaires on her way to becoming the first. Sally Ride saw no other American women in space on her way to becoming the first. It certainly makes it more difficult to lead where no one like you has gone before, but it’s not impossible…
4. What’s So Special About You?
You don’t have to be special to be a leader. You just have to have a passion to change something— that you still haven’t made time to take that class you wanted to take; that your child’s school won’t have an art program next year; that women still don’t receive equal pay for equal work. The issue may be large or small—it’s the size of your passion that makes you a leader.
5. Realize that Leaders Don’t Have to Make Sacrifices
Not if you have the right support system (see #8, below). Real leaders integrate their passion for change into their lives. The only thing you may have to sacrifice is your toleration of others’ placing unreal or unfair demands on you.
6. It’s OK to Focus on Small Issues, Instead of High Ideals
Someone once told me that one of the strongest leaders she knew was working on her local Little League board, trying to make the league run more efficiently and to inject more fun into the games. Leadership can be as big as moving a government to pass civil rights legislation; it can be as “small” as teaching a group of girls that they can be entrepreneurs if they choose to. As long as it’s a high ideal for you, you can take a leadership role in making it happen.
7. Think of Your Self
Leaders are not totally selfless—in most cases their passion for change grows because they are personally connected to the issue. The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation is the leading organization funding research and treatment of pediatric AIDS. Elizabeth Glaser founded it after she discovered that she and her two children had become infected with HIV.
8. Asking for Help is OK
Oh really? Star athletes have coaches, elected officials have staff, great scientists have research assistants. Leaders cannot do what they do on their own; they know it’s OK to ask for help.
9. You Don’t Have to Influence the “Big” Stuff
If your passion is to change a small piece of your own world…go for it! Exercise your leadership muscle, and soon you’ll have influenced a whole range of small stuff, which will add up to something big.
10. You Don’t Have to Be Famous
I’m sure you can think of some great leaders that no one else has ever heard of—relatives, co-workers, teachers—people that you would follow anywhere. Great leadership doesn’t start with being famous; it starts with leading your self to the brink of change in that one area you’re passionate about. Then sticking with it to make that change happen!
Ask others what they think of your leadership abilities. You’ll be surprised at the positive response! You use leadership skills every day—managing your work group, getting the kids to school on time, supporting your favorite charity. Believe that you are a leader—your friends and colleagues already know you are.
2. Get Rid of the Guilt: I Don’t Deserve to Be a Leader
Why not? Leaders aren’t an alien species sent down to show us the way. They are everyday people like you and me. Think about a leader in your life—not someone famous, just someone you know that you’d follow anywhere. Do you think they thought they were a great leader? Do you think they knew that you’d be using them as an example of great leadership? Of course not.
3. Stop Looking for Leaders Who Look Like You
It’s hard to strive for leadership when there are few examples that look like you. Katharine Graham saw no other women CEOs of Fortune 500 companies on her way to becoming the first. Madam C.J. Walker saw no other African-American women millionaires on her way to becoming the first. Sally Ride saw no other American women in space on her way to becoming the first. It certainly makes it more difficult to lead where no one like you has gone before, but it’s not impossible…
4. What’s So Special About You?
You don’t have to be special to be a leader. You just have to have a passion to change something— that you still haven’t made time to take that class you wanted to take; that your child’s school won’t have an art program next year; that women still don’t receive equal pay for equal work. The issue may be large or small—it’s the size of your passion that makes you a leader.
5. Realize that Leaders Don’t Have to Make Sacrifices
Not if you have the right support system (see #8, below). Real leaders integrate their passion for change into their lives. The only thing you may have to sacrifice is your toleration of others’ placing unreal or unfair demands on you.
6. It’s OK to Focus on Small Issues, Instead of High Ideals
Someone once told me that one of the strongest leaders she knew was working on her local Little League board, trying to make the league run more efficiently and to inject more fun into the games. Leadership can be as big as moving a government to pass civil rights legislation; it can be as “small” as teaching a group of girls that they can be entrepreneurs if they choose to. As long as it’s a high ideal for you, you can take a leadership role in making it happen.
7. Think of Your Self
Leaders are not totally selfless—in most cases their passion for change grows because they are personally connected to the issue. The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation is the leading organization funding research and treatment of pediatric AIDS. Elizabeth Glaser founded it after she discovered that she and her two children had become infected with HIV.
8. Asking for Help is OK
Oh really? Star athletes have coaches, elected officials have staff, great scientists have research assistants. Leaders cannot do what they do on their own; they know it’s OK to ask for help.
9. You Don’t Have to Influence the “Big” Stuff
If your passion is to change a small piece of your own world…go for it! Exercise your leadership muscle, and soon you’ll have influenced a whole range of small stuff, which will add up to something big.
10. You Don’t Have to Be Famous
I’m sure you can think of some great leaders that no one else has ever heard of—relatives, co-workers, teachers—people that you would follow anywhere. Great leadership doesn’t start with being famous; it starts with leading your self to the brink of change in that one area you’re passionate about. Then sticking with it to make that change happen!
Jun 17, 2008
Habit of success
It is just as easy to get into a "good" habit as it is to get into a "bad" habit. That's a little secret that successful people live by. In fact it is really just as easy to be successful as it is to be unsuccessful. It is just a matter of choice. You can spend your time doing the things that will bring you closer to your goals, or you can spend your time seeking immediate comfort and gratification.
People complain that "it's too hard to exercise every day." That's nonsense. Exercise and movement are joyful, natural conditions that make us feel great. It's not hard. It's just that they're in the habit of not exercising. Once they make the choice to exercise, it is no more difficult than sitting on the couch watching TV.
Success in anything can be summed up very concisely. It's really quite simple. First, know what you want and know the reasons you want it. Second, determine exactly what you need to do to get it. Third, make a habit of doing those things that you need to do. That's really all there is to it. It's not complicated, and it is within the reach of anyone.
Oh, yes, you may think you need to have the right amount of self esteem, or the proper training, or the ideal environment, or support from your family, or any number of things. While all these things are fine, they're not necessary. All that's needed is the desire, the plan, and the action. If your desire is strong enough, you'll find a way to get the things you need. If your plan is well-constructed, it will take you where you want to go, as long as you have the discipline to follow through on it.
Life is the result of choices. You are where you are because of the choices you have made in the past. Your future depends on the choices you make today. You can choose to have that extra beer, or you can choose to read another chapter in a good book. You can choose to act on an opportunity, or you can choose to sleep late. All these choices add up to your situation in life. And if you get in the habit of making the right choices, the choices that move you closer to your goals, then you'll fulfill the enormous potential that is inside of you.
People complain that "it's too hard to exercise every day." That's nonsense. Exercise and movement are joyful, natural conditions that make us feel great. It's not hard. It's just that they're in the habit of not exercising. Once they make the choice to exercise, it is no more difficult than sitting on the couch watching TV.
Success in anything can be summed up very concisely. It's really quite simple. First, know what you want and know the reasons you want it. Second, determine exactly what you need to do to get it. Third, make a habit of doing those things that you need to do. That's really all there is to it. It's not complicated, and it is within the reach of anyone.
Oh, yes, you may think you need to have the right amount of self esteem, or the proper training, or the ideal environment, or support from your family, or any number of things. While all these things are fine, they're not necessary. All that's needed is the desire, the plan, and the action. If your desire is strong enough, you'll find a way to get the things you need. If your plan is well-constructed, it will take you where you want to go, as long as you have the discipline to follow through on it.
Life is the result of choices. You are where you are because of the choices you have made in the past. Your future depends on the choices you make today. You can choose to have that extra beer, or you can choose to read another chapter in a good book. You can choose to act on an opportunity, or you can choose to sleep late. All these choices add up to your situation in life. And if you get in the habit of making the right choices, the choices that move you closer to your goals, then you'll fulfill the enormous potential that is inside of you.
Jun 16, 2008
From child labour to Pandit
Recently, my frind has send me a document about a great person who is not famously known but his deeds are really great that are not less than the deeds of many reamrkable persons we know in the history. He was a child labour initially, but leading his life as a pandit now. Afer reading the article i remebered a line in my mind that "Taking birth as unknown is not our fault but dying as unknown is our fault" that means we may take birth as unknown to the world, but with the life given as gift to us, we have to do something so that we are remembered after our death. I heartfully salute Saheb ji.
Actually donating one crore out of your 10 creore propety is not a great deal but having only Rs10 in your hand for living the day and giving it to another person who is in need of that Rs10 is a great deal!!!
Every one has to think about how much they are giving to the society from where they grown and learned many lessons?
i leave the answer to the readers...
Jun 12, 2008
Story by Buddha
At the time, priests of a religion were charging money for a ritual prayer that promised to release a dead relative's soul from hell so he could go to heaven. At one point in the prayer they struck an urn full of stones with a ritual hammer. If the urn broke, and the stones were released, it was a sign that the soul was also released, according to their teaching. Of course, the brittle clay could not withstand the blow of the heavy metal hammer.
A young man, distraught over his uncle's death, went to the Buddha, believing that the Buddha's teaching was a newer, greater form of religion, and asked him for a ritual which would release his uncle's soul. The Buddha told him to obtain two of the ritual urns from the priests, and fill one with butter and and one with stones.
The young man, believing he was about to get a more powerful ritual, was very happy and did as the Buddha said. When he returned, the Buddha told him to place the urns carefully in the river, so that the rim of the urn was just below the surface. Then he instructed him to recite the usual prayer of the priests, and strike both urns under the water with the hammer, at the usual point in the prayer, then come back and describe what happened.
The young man, very excited to be the first person to be given this wonderful new ritual, more effective than the old, did exactly as he was told. On his return, the Buddha asked him to describe what he saw. The young man replied "I saw nothing unusual. When I smashed the urns, the stones sank to the bottom of the river and the butter was washed away on the surface of the river."
The Buddha said "Then you must ask your priests to pray that the butter will sink and the stones will float to the surface!" The young man, shocked by the obvious ridiculousness of this request said "But no matter how much the priests pray, the stones will never float and the butter will not sink."
The Buddha replied, "Exactly so. And, it is the same with your uncle. Whatever good, loving actions he has done during his life will make him rise towards heaven, and whatever bad, selfish actions he has done will make him sink towards hell. And there is not a thing that all the prayers and rituals of the priests can do to alter even a tiny part of the results of his actions!"
A young man, distraught over his uncle's death, went to the Buddha, believing that the Buddha's teaching was a newer, greater form of religion, and asked him for a ritual which would release his uncle's soul. The Buddha told him to obtain two of the ritual urns from the priests, and fill one with butter and and one with stones.
The young man, believing he was about to get a more powerful ritual, was very happy and did as the Buddha said. When he returned, the Buddha told him to place the urns carefully in the river, so that the rim of the urn was just below the surface. Then he instructed him to recite the usual prayer of the priests, and strike both urns under the water with the hammer, at the usual point in the prayer, then come back and describe what happened.
The young man, very excited to be the first person to be given this wonderful new ritual, more effective than the old, did exactly as he was told. On his return, the Buddha asked him to describe what he saw. The young man replied "I saw nothing unusual. When I smashed the urns, the stones sank to the bottom of the river and the butter was washed away on the surface of the river."
The Buddha said "Then you must ask your priests to pray that the butter will sink and the stones will float to the surface!" The young man, shocked by the obvious ridiculousness of this request said "But no matter how much the priests pray, the stones will never float and the butter will not sink."
The Buddha replied, "Exactly so. And, it is the same with your uncle. Whatever good, loving actions he has done during his life will make him rise towards heaven, and whatever bad, selfish actions he has done will make him sink towards hell. And there is not a thing that all the prayers and rituals of the priests can do to alter even a tiny part of the results of his actions!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)